How has it been 6 weeks since my last update? I can’t believe how quickly this time has gone.
So this is happening. A child is coming. SOON. (Hopefully soon.)
This thought settled in with me around 37 weeks and I kind of… started panicking? I kept thinking about how she’s so safe and easy to care for in my belly, and when she’s outside my belly I have to really try to make sure she’s safe and cared for unlike now, other than you know, making sure I don’t like do belly flops into pools or eat rat poison. I totally appreciate that being pregnant has been such a great experience for me and I do truly feel so lucky because I know it’s not always peaches and cream for everyone. (Side note: finally tried the peach milkshake from Chick’Fil’A and OMG. Phenomenal.) But soon I’m going to actually have to DO THINGS in real life to make sure she’s safe and thriving.
I’m sure this sudden onset of terror is pretty common as the reality sets in for most moms, especially first-time moms. To help, I’ve been doing lots of hippy-type things like reading birth affirmations, breathing and yoga exercises, and imagining fun things, like actually meeting and holding her for the first time to make my thoughts go in a more… pleasant direction. I’m not going to lie to you, labor literally scares the holy hell out of me. I’ve taken all the classes and read all the articles, and still – terrified. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’d prefer to not have to get an epidural, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m also not going to deny myself the relief needed if I just can’t handle it. All of it is scary in one way or another, really.
But as the past few weeks have come and gone, my fear has subsided a bit, and I’m starting to reach the point where I’m just ready for her to come out. Not that I’m totally miserable, buuut, things are starting to shift for sure.
Feast your eyes on these super fly kicks: Sketchers GoWalks. Oh, what’s that? You think they look a bit like old lady shoes? Well frankly, so do I. But since I can barely stand to have my feet in anything other than them these days, I’ve now started wearing them almost exclusively. Meaning both to walk the dogs and at work. They look really stylish with dresses, let me tell you. But these are legit saving my feet and back, and I’m SO happy my best friend told me to get them. Funny enough I love how they feel so much I told my mom and she also got a pair. And honestly I do think they’re kind of cute, especially with black leggings. Not so much with anything else.
I’m in this super weird limbo with food. I’m hungry essentially all the time, but I can’t eat very much. I’ve also started to have some nausea (mostly due to the heat the last few weeks) and eating seems to help, but then I feel like Homer Simpson after eating a box of donuts, but I’ve barely even had a snack. It’s very confusing. Plus for some reason my cravings have returned to all the things I shouldn’t eat and an insatiable appetite for fruit, especially pineapple. I’ve given myself a pass to just buy the pre-cut fruit salad at the store for like $10, even though I could make it myself for way less. I’m still eating ice cream, cereal, cookies or some combo of those three every night and can’t get enough milk. I’m also obsessed with peanut-butter-filled pretzel nuggets, but who wouldn’t be.
Speaking of little nuggets…
My favorite thing to do these days is just sit in her nursery. Just rocking in the glider. I feel like it’s “our time” together. It forces me to stop and think about the fact that she is almost here instead of keeping busy with
stuff around the house watching tv or worrying or stressing. People have told me to read to her or sing to her, but both of those feel weird to me. I mean, she hears me all day, and I do check in with her, especially when she’s going crazy in there, but this is just how I feel like we bond. And of course the pups are excited. They’ve been really good with all the new “stuff” we have in the house and I’ve been playing baby noises to get them used to it before she really hits them with it. And I borrowed a doll from my friend Megan (a doll whom we’ve all nicknamed “fababy” (fake+baby)) to carry around so they are used to seeing me holding something/someone. They seem to give no shits about it, so I’m taking that as a good sign. We’re most worried about Acehole jumping up and getting too excited around her, so we’ll definitely just have to make sure we keep an eye on him. (Any tips here on the baby/pet thing, please share!)
The nursery otherwise is pretty much done, we just need to hang some things on the walls and, you know, get a baby to put in the crib. The plan is to use the bassinet part of the pack’n’play for the first few weeks and then transition her over, but again, we’ll see how that goes. Hopefully I’ll have things together enough to do a post about it one of these days. It’s not like Super Pinterest 5000 in there or anything, but I love it.
Otherwise, Brandon and I are equal parts anxious and excited, and sometimes we just look at each other with these “holy shit we’re having a baby” eyes and laugh. I can’t even wait to see him hold her for the first time, I just know he’s going to be the most amazing dad. As always, any last minute tips or advice ya’ll have, please SHARE! For now we’re just waiting and praying for a healthy little baby that shows up sooner rather than later 😉
Sorry for the super long rambly post. You guys have been so great with tips and feedback, and I can’t thank you enough for helping to keep me sane these last 9 months! My official due date is next week, which I’m sure will come and go and I’ll be one of those 42-weekers, just waddling around and mumbling senselessly and praying for sweet relief. But then she is my daughter. She’ll definitely be late.